Centers of gravity
December 2009, Saint-Jerome
Two kinds of gravity
In a sense, though this is to speak unscientifically, you could say that there are two kinds of gravity, physical and spiritual. And it is striking how much the two are analogous, at least in certain respects.In space, a physical body having less mass is attracted and pulled towards another object having more, at least if it is close enough; for the smaller the distance, the greater the attraction. Though the attraction is mutual I think it is the lighter object that is more affected in its behaviour, and that will change the course of its movement.
And the more massive of the two objects? Since the attraction is mutual, it is not just the smaller moon that is drawn toward the bigger earth. This is shown by the sea tides for example. But the moon is much more affected in its movement, which is why it orbits around the earth rather than the earth orbiting around it. In fact if I've got the theory right, if the moon were not hurtling through space at a high velocity, relative to the earth, and if for some reason it slowed to a stop, it would plummet to the earth like a falling stone.
But the earth? The earth doesn't worry much about the moon, for it is in its turn pulled and influenced much more by another body far more massive than itself - the sun.
In short, all other things being equal, less massive objects gravitate more towards move massive ones rather than the contrary.
So what about 'spiritual gravity'? Or if you don't like such an unscientific expression we can just call it personal attraction, for no one would deny that people are attracted and drawn towards one another, spiritually or psychologically.A person can be drawn towards some and repelled by others, and in that sense the analogy fails I suppose, for as far as I know physical gravity always attracts and never repels. So maybe physical magnetism, which can repel or attract, would be a better metaphor. It doesn't really matter, for now let's just concern ourselves with what happens between people.
As the moon is drawn to the earth, and the earth to the sun, so often is one person attracted to another, but this other person to a third.
When we are attracted to someone, what is it in the person that makes us feel attracted, what qualities?
We are attracted to beauty, both physical and personal, to intelligence, to wit and to humour, to grace, to modesty, to courage, to honesty, to strength...
If you consider all of these qualities, and there are other important ones we might add to the list; kindness, compassion, diligence, spontaneity, creativity, intuition, tact, and I'm sure you can think of others, well maybe all of them, with the possible exception of physical beauty, are qualities that go toward making a person seem more elevated and more spiritual - further from the grossly material and corporeal, and closer to the good, beautiful, subtle, refined, sublime, divine.
It almost sounds like the closer a person comes to resembling an angel or divinity, the more we feel drawn. Maybe that isn't always true but I think you might agree that that is very often true.Love and gravity
What about when we fall in love?
It seems to me that often when we fall in love it is with a person who we perceive to possess these qualities more than we possess them ourselves. In other words, we often fall in love with a person we sense or imagine, rightly or wrongly, to be more beautiful than ourselves, in the deeper sense of beautiful.
You could say that we fall in love not with the kind of person we think we are, but with the kind of person we would dearly like to be. In other words we fall in love with someone who seems to embody our own personal, moral and spiritual aspirations.
In the 1980s there was a popular love song that used to play on the radio: 'Why can't I be you?'. I've always thought that was a very telling and highly distilled title for a love song.
But do we really fall in love with someone we think is better than us, rather than equal to us?
Then how do we feel toward people who we perceive as equal to us? Attracted or repelled? Maybe this is the answer: A person who respects and likes himself will respect and like others who he feels resemble him; a person who dislikes himself will dislike others who resemble him.
But suppose you basically respect and accept yourself: will you fall in love only with someone you think better, and not with someone you feel to be at your same moral and spiritual level or 'station', so to speak?
I'll attempt an answer, but I'm not sure it is right; maybe I'll change my mind later.
There is a big difference between loving someone on the one hand, however warmly or strongly or truly, and being passionately 'in love' with someone on the other. Not just a difference in degree, for everyone knows that, but a more essential difference. And neither is that difference just that usually only one of these kinds is fueled by sexual attraction.
It seems that we can love others who we esteem as equal or not equal to ourselves - but we tend to fall in love with someone we see as superior to ourselves. Take this with a grain of salt but I think you might know what I mean when I say this: falling in love is in this sense a little bit like religion. It is closely, maybe even inherently, bound up with spiritual craving and aspiration.
And that brings us back to why at the outset we drew an analogy between physical and spiritual gravity. The moon is drawn to the earth, and the earth to the sun. In physical gravity, a body draws toward itself bodies less massive than itself, and is pulled in turn towards bodies more massive. With spiritual gravity, or magnetism, or attraction, or however you want to call it, a person draws toward him/herself others less beautiful, or who esteem themselves less beautiful, and is pulled towards others more beautiful, or who he esteems more beautiful, than himself.
But one might say that all of this can easily be refuted by an obvious observation: two people can fall very much in love with each other, and at the same time - it happens all the time.
Yes - but then two people can easily each have the impression that the other is better and more beautiful than himself.
You are a center of gravity
So how does all of this apply to you and to your life? Suppose you are love with someone, and feel drawn toward him or her like the moon to the earth, the earth to the sun. Do you really perceive her to be more beautiful than you, more spiritual?
That is a good question, because in spite of everything we just said, I'm not at all sure you will reply yes to that. I wonder if you might feel tempted to reply: "Yes and no".
It is as if part of you, or you in one of your moods or states of mind, sees the person as equal to you, and even a lot like you in important ways; and as if another part of you, or you in a different state of mind that you know only too well, see him/her almost as a kind of divinity, a godlike person or angel or something, considerably more beautiful, refined, and spiritually 'advanced' than yourself.
Okay, that is interesting. And what of your spiritual 'mass', or force of attraction? Does it remain constant, or does it vary according to which mood or state of mind you are in?
If a person were always lucid and not beguiled by illusions, maybe he would realize that in reality he is always equally and very spiritual, good, beautiful.
But our moods and imaginations have no end of leading us to all sorts of imaginary places of different colour and lighting, and one consequence of that is that both our self-perception and our perception of others vary a great deal depending on our changing moods and frames of mind.
As far as a person's attracting or repelling others goes, and being attracted to or repelled by others, it seems to be spirituality in the second sense, the changing one, that comes into play and that determines whether and how much one is a center of gravity for others.
Which is one reason why you and I are more attractive, much more attractive, at some times rather than others. And I wonder this: Are others drawn toward me more when I feel incomplete and am seeking others to gravitate toward, or when I feel at peace and self-sufficient?
But wait - being attractive or not, is that something that should interest a serious person, isn't that just vanity? - But there is more than one sense of 'attraction' and 'attractiveness'.
Maybe you're not much worried about being attractive in the popular, superficial sense of the word. But one thing that might concern you all the same are those moments when you tense up, bottle up your light, pull into yourself, and suddenly become insecure, nervous and shackled rather than peaceful, free, confident.
Suppose you are in love with someone, and you have the impression that you more you feel to be in love, the less the person you love feels attractive in turn, almost as though your love repels rather than attracts. Maybe the more you fall in love, the more you are making her the bigger center of gravity, the more you are making her the earth and yourself a little moon. But she is not pulled towards little moons - she might quietly let you orbit around her but she is seeking a sun!
So if you would have her love you, strongly, passionately, then seek to be a center of gravity, as she is a center of gravity for you.
How to do that? By trying to win her heart, by trying to impress her? No - such are the ploys of little moons! And if he or she is as intelligent as you think she is, she will easily see through such childish gestures.
Instead roll up your sleeves and set about going to work, with seriousness, patience and endurance.
Be a sun, not a moon
To work, to do what?
Work quitely and gradually towards becoming a better person. Are you as courageous as you have the potential to be? As honest? As compassionate? As diligent? As tactful? Are you as good as you have the potential to be, or can you gradually grow and evolve with earnest and sustained practice?
The more you grow the more you will yourself become a center of gravity.
But if the main goal of your efforts be to become more attractive, or even to win a loved one's heart, then you are bound to fail; for those are small goals, they aren't beautiful goals. They aren't worthy of real beauty.They aren't worthy of a sun, they aren't the way of sunshine.
If there are angels in the world, I suppose they don't have to worry much about trying to become more attractive or to win the hearts of others. They are attractive in spite of themselves! The more they apply their efforts to trying to be kinder, more honest, less selfish, and the less they worry about being attractive and winning the hearts of others - the more their beauty deepens and the more they win the hearts of others! One feels drawn towards them in spite of oneself. Even if you try to pull away you can't, you feel drawn as if by an irresistable force.